life, goals, passions and NFS-U2

the other day i was speaking to a very dear friend of mine, who's going through very tough times btw, and i had to tell him that i really do not have any passions. come to think of it, it's a very disturbing thought. imagine a life where all that a person wants to do is nothing. what is the use of such a life? what's the purpose of living like that? i know i have to change, i know i have to find something to do in life, i know i have to do a lot many things. but like he tells me, knowing that you have to do something, and having the conviction and the motivation to follow it through to completion, are very very different things. people have always told me knowing your errors is halfway to correcting them. how wrong they are. i've known all my errors even before committing them, but that never prevented me from going and doing them anyway. one really would not understand such a kind of thought processes in a 20-odd-yr-old, who's supposed to be mature enough to start his own life, but naah that's not me.

so okay, i might not have those strong passions, i may not have burning desires to achieve the highest of goals, but i mean, i got to have something to do. so i start thinking as to what do i want to do right now. trying to push away the most obvious answer glaring in one's face is quite difficult, especially if that answer was "nothing". nyways, so i sit down and say to myself, lets try and complete NFS-U, all the 111 races. so okay, i'm cruising along in my career, and suddenly the inevitable happens. i lose interest. except for the thought that i've got to complete the race, nothing makes me even want to steer the car. and predictably, it takes me umpteen number of restarts to finally make the first place. seeing the number of restarts it takes, the interest meter further lowers its pointer. so i realise that i'm too lazy to complete anything that i'll ever start. be it football, be it gym, be it sketching or solving crossword puzzles. is this what'll become of me? can't i ever find one blinding passion to rule my thoughts, desires and life? will all that i may ever achieve be the same as the next door neighbour or even less?

it's allright to say that every one's born for a purpose, but i tell you, getting to even know one's purpose might eventually take the life out of one. then what is the purpose of even living, when you've got to spend your whole life finding your purpose? twisted logic, lateral thinking, no that's not gonna help. these are not some math logic problems that akshat can solve in seconds, these are apparently questions of/in life. somebody help me here.